


the best we know how

by swarmsoflizards



Category: The Diviners Series - Libba Bray
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Lair of Dreams spoilers, This is DUMB, it was very late and the author has many feelings, post-Lair of Dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4854746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarmsoflizards/pseuds/swarmsoflizards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ling really didn’t know what she could have done differently, apart from putting the clues together earlier. There was no way she could have somehow saved Wai-Mae, or kept all those terrible things from happening, or gotten them all a happy ending without half of them being dead long before she had even shown up.</p><p>But still.</p><p>It felt like she could have done something better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the best we know how

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Lair of Dreams a few days ago and I'm still like crying because it was so good
> 
> Please don't read this I wrote it at 3am

_And when we kissed, it didn’t feel poisonous_

_And when you cried, I dried off your blue eyes_

_She smiles at me, as she is falling asleep_

_Says ‘we gotta live, the best we know how to’_

-Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s, [_A Sea Chanty of Sorts_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqfiu1FJMaA)

\- - -

Ling knew that she excelled at living in the past, but this was starting to feel ridiculous.

Apparently it didn’t matter too much that Wai-Mae had brutally murdered dozens of people, because Ling still missed her company. And besides, the Wai-Mae that she had known wasn’t really the woman in the veil, was she? It wasn’t really her fault, she couldn’t help it…

Except that wasn’t true. Ling was just picking and choosing the parts that she wanted to remember, to preserve the picture of Wai-Mae she had in her head. Wai-Mae and the veiled woman were still separate to her. She wanted some miraculous way for Wai-Mae to somehow be innocent of the atrocities she had committed, to just be the same kind, naive, romantic girl who loved the opera. She still wanted to be Wai-Mae’s friend and lead her by the hand through the city, showing off her favorite parts.

She kind of wanted to kiss her again, except for real this time.

But she couldn’t, she never could, because Wai-Mae had to turn out to be a stupid serial-murdering ghost, and wasn’t that just a kick in the damn teeth. It didn’t matter that it was all over and done with, because she still had to deal with it. She still had to scrape her heart off the pavement where it fell.

She missed Wai-Mae and she missed George and she missed Louis and she didn’t want to deal with it.

Ling sighed and pressed her face into her forearms, crossed over the glossy bar where she and Henry sat. Henry didn’t ask if she was alright, just gently knocked his shoulder into hers. She appreciated that.

They were at some bar of Henry’s, a place he frequented where he said nobody would try to talk to them. True to his word, everyone ignored them but the bartender, from whom Henry’d ordered a few drinks. He drank them both after making some witty comment that Ling didn’t remember.

It was nice to be around someone who was suffering sort of like she was. It didn’t exactly make it better, but it assured her that she wasn’t alone. Henry was probably feeling much worse than she was, and she was glad she was there for him in turn too. They’d been spending a lot more time together now, _after._ They usually didn’t talk much, just sat in their shared space and were miserable together. Ling liked the ease of their relationship, how there was no pressure to be anyone other than who she was, not that she would ever tell him that.

She nudged his shoulder back and lifted her head.

“I think I’m gonna go home,” she said, because as nice as it was, she didn’t feel like wallowing together anymore. She sort of wanted to wallow alone, and then sleep for a very long time.

“I’ll walk with you,” he replied, standing up and offering an arm to her. She took it, more out of affection than a need for it, and eased off her own stool, grabbing her crutches with her other hand. As they walked out of the bar he threw an easy arm around her shoulders, and she suppressed the urge to smile. (She still wasn’t gonna hug him.)

The sky was already darkening as they made their way back to Chinatown, through the watery yellow light cast by the streetlamps. There were fewer people than she would have expected for a Friday night, but she wasn’t complaining. Fewer people meant less capacity for ridiculous unexpected disasters on her way home.

It was still early enough that she could use the science club as an excuse for her parents without suspicion, but they were still probably worrying themselves sick. Their adoration for Henry would probably help her slide by without punishment like it had before.

This train of thought, of course, led her precisely back where she was trying to avoid, and she suppressed an annoyed groan at herself. She didn’t want to think about what she and Henry had lost in the dreamscape, and she didn’t want to think about what she had done to Wai-Mae.

Ling really didn’t know what she could have done differently, apart from putting the clues together earlier. There was no way she could have somehow saved Wai-Mae, or kept all those terrible things from happening, or gotten them all a happy ending without half of them being dead long before she had even shown up.

But still.

It felt like she could have done something better.

Henry stopped walking abruptly, and Ling realized that they’d made it all the way back to the Tea House without her noticing. She sighed. She’ll open the doors, her mother will rush out to greet them, and she’ll have to pretend that everything is alright until she’s alone, just like she always does.

She really didn’t want to.

But Henry asked, “You jake?” and she replied, “Yeah,” and she sighed again and opened the door and started the cycle over again. Her mother cooed over Henry, Henry played his aw, shucks, ma’am routine, and she went upstairs and took off her braces and laid down in bed and tried not to cry.

\- - -

_"When I arrive in America, we'll still be sisters, right?" Wai-Mae asked, her bright smile wavering._

_"Yes, we will," Ling replied hesitantly. "We'll always be sisters, and we'll go to the opera together," she added, just to see Wai-Mae's smile brighten again. She wasn't disappointed._

_"Good," Wai-Mae said. "Even though I know I have a good husband waiting for me, it's still scary to be going to a new place. I'm glad I have you waiting for me, too." Her grin widened brilliantly at Ling, and Ling felt her heart squeeze for just a moment without knowing why. She smiled back._


End file.
